Whoa there Nelly, hold up a moment my love.
Before we dive headfirst into a new year with resolutions and to-do lists, let me ask: when was the last time you truly paused to take stock of where you are? Not simply what you’ve done, but who you’ve become?
Because here’s a truth we rarely hear: you can’t set meaningful goals for the future if you don’t first honour where you’ve been, what’s emerging through experience and time, and who you are TODAY.
When we harness all of the wisdom and insights we've learned in the last 12 months, and use it to create a very personal, profound and powerful set of instructions, that's what leads us in the direction of creating a life we really want and love: a life that feels more meaningful and joyful, where we’re discovering and becoming more fully ourselves and pouring this out into the world.
If we don't do that, we risk chasing after ‘shiny’ things that don't really light us up or make us feel more alive at all. In fact, they can do the opposite – numbing us with more ‘shoulds’ and adding more weight to the already heavy pile of “too much” or “things that no longer fit!”
So this year let’s do it differently. Instead of making plans, I invite you to make a cup of tea (or something stronger) and let’s pause long enough to see how far you’ve come before rushing into the next.
This is a ritual I've done for over 20 years, simply reflecting on a few potent questions.
We can do this together—me, you, and a community of like-minded women reflecting and growing. Or you might even want to do it with a friend, partner or family member!
Set some time aside and really linger with each question.
🌟 What were the highlights of this past year?
Think back over the past 12 months. What highlights stand out to you? What are you proud of? Grateful for? Go through your camera roll and calendar as useful reminders
😟 What were the hardest parts of this past year?
They may have turned out well, but were hard as hell to go through
🧠 What did you learn about yourself over this past year?
Especially about who you are and who you’re not, what you want and don't want.
Here's a snippet of mine -
HIGHLIGHTS: Moving to a new City that’s turned out to be pretty damn great! Lots of adventure and travel - high desserts, mountains and coast. Mentoring and coaching women through midlife and watching them blossom into their next season – more authentic, brave and excited about their lives again. This lights me up! A private lunch with LIZ GILBERT and then a whole week with her and a bunch of amazing women. Deep diving with friends over long weekends and trips away. Deepening my love and relationship with my brothers. Spending quiet time in my cottage in Wales – I LOVE silence and the wilderness! Deepening old friendships and making new ones, becoming the Modern Elder Academy ‘Chapter Lead’ for Europe, Middle East and Africa + hosting their monthly events. Exploring new walks - I’m obsessed with flowers and gardens!
HARDEST: so much change! 6 months on the road + travel, and moving house twice was a lot! Watching my dear friend suffer and pass away. Riding the menopause train – like trying to build a life while walking through an earthquake – the ground keeps moving. Letting go of things I used to love, to make room for things that light me up now e.g. Yoga Teacher Training. Letting go of relationships where the friction just wasn’t resolvable, becoming fiercly loyal to protecting my own peace - not easy, but essential.
LEARN: I can’t do anyone’s emotional work for them – I need to get out of the way and stop disrupting their growth! I’m getting clearer about what’s mine and what's not. How to ask for what I really want UNAPOLOGETICALLY. That I really LOVE simple, easy and fun – especially in my work. My strategies for managing health, energy and weight during menopause need upgrading. I am full of self-doubt, (so is everyone else) and I know how to work with it: with unwavering self-compassion. Freedom and authenticity are really high values of mine. I have a tech addiction that needs more attention. Being fully present and fully myself is when I feel most alive.
What about you? What moments this year expanded your horizons? What hard things turned out to be powerful teaching moments? What new truth did you discover about yourself?
Slow right down my love, resist the urge to rev back up so quickly if you can. Take your time. Your life’s next chapter deserves to be written with clarity and intention. By reflecting on where you’ve been, you’ll uncover the wisdom and strength needed to move forward. Set aside time, savour these questions, and let’s create a year that feels deeply aligned with who you are NOW.
And I LOVE getting your messages! So many of you write to me and share your reflections which is so uplifting! If you feel inspired to share here to visibly encourage others or privately in a DM, I’d love really that.
Stay tuned for the next part, where I’ll guide you in turning these reflections into powerful intentions for the year ahead.
Until then, always always go gently.
Deborah xx