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25 Years Sober – and Still in Recovery!

It was 25 years ago this week when I woke up with another horrendous hangover. Here I was again, feeling disconnected, hollow, and exhausted from pretending to be someone I didn’t recognise (or even like). I was so tired of feeling like a stranger in my own body and life. I knew I was losing myself, but I didn’t know how to change.


Stopping drinking wasn’t the hard part—staying stopped was. Without something to take the edge off, the swirl of feelings inside was unbearable. Booze, drugs, people-pleasing, overworking, perfectionism —these were all my ways of moving away from pain. But each ‘high’ wore off and just added another layer of suffering: a deeper separation from myself.


Then, on that day 25 years ago, something inside me whispered I can’t do this anymore. This has to stop, TODAY!. And for some miraculous reason, not only did I listen, I rode the wave of that “enough is enough” moment and reached out for help. With no exaggeration, that phone call saved my life.



Sobriety ≠ Recovery

Sobriety is putting down the things that numb us. It’s essential.

But recovery? Recovery is different.


❤️‍🩹 It’s the process of healing the pain that made you reach for those things in the first place.


❤️‍🩹 It’s finding the places that ache so badly you’d rather hurt yourself—or others—than feel them.


❤️‍🩹 It’s stripping away inherited stories about worth, identity, goodness, and love.It’s remembering who you were before the world told you who to be.


❤️‍🩹 It’s creating a life you don’t need to numb out or escape from.


And yes—it’s as terrifying and hard and magical as it sounds. Letting go of identities and strategies that once kept us safe feels like freefall. But my love, it’s the only way back to yourself.



We’re All Recovering from Something

After 25 years of walking this path – my own recovery, mentoring others, teaching and practicing yoga - one thing I know for sure: we’re all recovering from something.

Maybe it's doing too much. Over-giving. Control. Co-dependency. Perfectionism. Over-achieving. The specifics differ, but the ache is the same: the ache of being disconnected from our true selves.


Here are a few addictive behaviours you might gently consider (for a “friend,” of course 😉):


Addicted to -

  • Changing someone you love

  • Busyness

  • Achievement or Productivity

  • Wine or comfort food

  • Self-improvement

  • Being the caretaker

  • Social Media or Scrolling

  • Micromanaging and Control

  • Drama & Chaos

  • Spiritual bypassing (we can’t namaste our way out of the hard mess of living)

 

These coping strategies don’t mean you’re broken. They mean you’ve adapted brilliantly to a world that taught you to survive by not feeling what you feel, and not asking for, or being TOO MUCH (wtf?!)


But midlife is a threshold. An invitation to stop hiding and start living more truthfully.

So in a quiet moment, check in and ask yourself: Where am I still hiding? What might I be ready to face, feel, or free?


Maybe there’s a shopping list of ways, so go gently now. Pick just one thing—one pattern that causes the most pain or keeps you furthest from peace. Then do one small thing today to start. Baby steps matter.


I still get thrown off centre. I still get tangled in old stories and confusion – “what’s my responsibility and what’s not?”  But each time I return to presence—in the mess and the delight—I come home to myself again.



Healing Happens in Connection

Doing the work of untangling yourself from the habits keeping you stuck requires immense courage. It means climbing back into your body, so you can turn towards your pain and tend to it at its root.  It means rediscovering the freedom and power and joy that lives just underneath those outdated stories and beliefs. It means learning the deepest trust of all – your own truth.


It’s the single, most loving you can do - and I believe, our greatest assignment. The word heal comes from the Old Saxon Root hal or haelen which means whole or to become whole.


But it is gnarly work, so please don’t do this alone my loves. It’s so much harder and takes much, much longer (if it happens all).


Every real growth spurt I’ve had, always happened in relationship—with a teacher, a therapist, a coach, a group - a loving witness who could see and hold the truth while I figured out how to live from this new place.


It’s like an ultra-marathon. I’ve needed people running beside me. But they didn’t magically appear, I’ve had to be brave and reach out. I had to ask, to lean in and trust – none of which comes easily to me (because I’m fine!).


But every time I did, something beautiful and potent unfolded.


Healing happens in connection. All traditions teach us this. The most loving mirrors have shown me what compassion looks and feels like, and that’s given me a roadmap—not just for relating to others, but to myself.


Sobriety is putting down the numbing. Recovery is putting down the shame, fear and sadness that makes us want to numb. And while the path back home is deeply personal, it’s never meant to be walked alone.


I hope you find your person or tribe. I hope you find your loving witness who holds the sacred space while you discover, recover and reclaim your wholeness.  Because you deserve that kind of love and support.


Thanks for reading. Thank you for walking alongside me. Thank you for sharing my work with the people you love.


I always get so many BEAUTIFUL messages when I share my musings. If any of this lands—if something in you stirred—I’d love to hear. I always do.


Go gently and stay curious

Deborah 💛






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